>n< sigh...

well... having beer right now...
drinking while playing left 4 dead 2...
and then tomorrow morning, i'll be "dead" on my bed...

lately, nothing much happen...
assignment...
games...
assignment...
games...
eat...
eat...
eat...
and sleep...

tomorrow after wake up from dead, i'll need to go for haircut...
and then washing...
rincing...
cleaning...
ironing...
calculating...
and then go climbing...

sigh... my life getting rotten and meaningless... why???

latest

shit, ate something wrong...
what did i ate??
stomach pain like hell...
luckily hav medicine, or not i now in dehydration mode...

well, my life been changing very fast...
now, i really had join the gaming life style...
games, games, and games...
why?? i not sure...
felt that my life is empty...

in university, well...
know a lot of people...
some become freinds that stick togather when no class...
most of them become hi and bye friends...
some seems hav a lot to chat but because in different group so everytime chat for a few line then go bac to our own gang...
most malay in my class call me uncle (kind of regret of my 1st introduction)...
most chinese call me jeffrey...
some nvr talk to each other...

my uni life= walk+eat+walk+eat+walk+walk+emoing...??
therefore when walking i had been singing...
making songs or sing the songs i know...
sometimes buy drinks to drink...
spend around 20 per day for food...
supper everyday...

well, i did get to know some pretty girls...
some have topic to chat...
some can easily chat...
but all are hi and bye friend except the girls in my class,because meet every lesson...
chat a once every 3 to 4 times we meet each other...
only one girl in my class dunno why say that i seems sad( and i did sad that time but with a smile on my face)...

still, i prefer to be alone for now, so normally will keep myself alone even changing class room togather with my classmates...
my university life count ok, now waiting for my friend to come to melaka for study, haha...
when he(cz) come here, then will sure ask sheng sheng and cz out for lim teh, haha...
and it time to revision edi, test coming...
hope i will have more chance to online... ^^

...

ok, still packing...
i just can't finish pack them up...
all the pictures, they keep flying around...
what can i do now?

been stuffing work and things for me to do...
volunteer for tougher assignment...
volunteer as a runner...
volunteer for photocopy...
volunteer for buying refrence book for whole class...
go for activities, any activities...
playing games...
eating...
laughting...
singing...
even join the drama group for acting...
but it still there...

my latest life...

lack of sleeping for this week... lots of assignment... even forgot to call my parents... sigh... so lucky that next week no labotary work, or not i don't even know how to survive...

well, i think i had nearly pack up most of my stuff for now... hope can finish pack for the next few more days...it more difficult than my imagine... after finish pack them up, my mask will no longer be needed... and then i will need to wait for don't know how long until i dare to take out those stuff again... what stuff is that? don't ask if you don't know, and don't tell or say it out if you know what stuff is that...

my university life, still count ok...
i gain weight when i went to singapore for work, but now i lose weight after i came to utem,haha...
my laptop, now not only have warcraft...
now it contain left four dead 2, need for speed undercover, nfs shift, counter strike, devil may cry 4...
i now also hav a series of korean funny activity show, family outing...
and now all i'm waiting for is after raya, my friend bring his external hard disk back to hostel, then i will have tons of movie, anime, comedy commercial...(all hd quality)
and have u seen a 10gb movie? i just saw one, super clear, super nice... haha

now, what i had been busying is drama practise(for moon cake festival), revision for test 1, basketball training, gym, and gaming skills...haha...
wish me luck bah...

busy like hell... is a good thing and good cure for the present me.

final...

i had decided... i will not change anything... just sometimes lend some help from leraid...
i will still be the same...
do wat i always do...
and face her like i always does....
it not neccesary for me to forget all those things...
i choose to remember it...
and i choose to maintain the feeling...
just that it is a one-side feeling...
i will still care for her...
worry her...
and help her when she needs my help...
just that now,i'll stand beside her as a friend...
a friend that i will never abandon...
never...

meaningless

well... yesterday just went to UKM... why? because there is a gathering for chinese society... 2 hours journey... from 4 pm we start our journey... reach bac to hostel is almost 1am... well, i met an old old friend of mine, MR LIM ENG KOK, wakakaka... if min jie is there then better, we 3 ppl meet again, haha... then last night whole night play left4dead2, devil may cry4, need for speed shift... 7am only go sleep, 11am wake up then go for meeting...

in the meeting, i become one of the helper in prom night, and one of the actor for moon cake festival... why? because there is a senior say i got a dramatic face =.=lll

nothing more to write, sry... because these few days really got nothing special to post... by the way, when reach back to my room after went to ukm, i was injured... hit by the celling fan in my friends room(ps: the fan is in maximum speed)...


now, the thing i mostly need is wave's sound....hope i can go to the beach right now... listen to the sea, the waves...

no more...

wounded...bleeding...
my brain no longer works...
can't think of anything...
can't concerntrate on anything...
no longer enjoying my life...
i had change, change into someone else...
i been wearing a mask these days...
a mask showing a smile...
a mask that hides my emotion...
a mask that hide the whole me in it...

i should try to get over with this...
friend told me to forget her and find a new one...
that is impoosible...
because to me, she is too perfect...
leraid is forcing me to hide deep inside my wound and seal myself up...
but the feeling i have to her is too huge...
it unable to seal up...
therefore, leraid is hidden my love in different places that i don't know...
with the help of making songs...
transfer them into the lyrics...
transfer them and forget them...
transfer them into melody...
and transfer them into the atmosphere...

after i call her, i hurt even more...
because i get to knowing something that really hurt me...
and it had given leraid more power, more determine on burry me away...
her voice, the way she speak...
every pitch of her sound shows that she is so happy...
a voice that had long burried in my memories...
i haven been able to hear that voice ever since i start dating with her...
now only i realise how suffer she is when she was my girlfriend...
i never really bring her joy...
except the decision i let her go as she wish...
and that facts had done a critical damage on me...
and i died once more after friday and saturday night...

i still love her...
even now after she tear up my heart...
and left me with nothing within my chest...
and i now living with no heart, no colour and no joy...
because she was and is the source for my heavy heart beat, the rainbow in my life, and the only reason that makes me the luckiest guy on earth...
but unfortunately,she felt that i'm not the one who is able to give her a life long happiness...
she thinks i'm not her true love...
she thinks i'm just someone she like...
she thinks we can only be friends even in the future...

then only thing i can do now is change...
change the love i have into like...
although i only heard before that change like into love...
but i'll try to change love into like...
i'll do what i can...
because that is the last thing i can do for you...
change it...
erase it...
kill it...
end it...

there are question i didn't ask her...
i don't know how to ask...
why she didn't trust herself?
why she needs to doubt?
why can't...
why not...
why leave...

maybe i'm too soft...
maybe i'm too weak...
maybe i didn't let you felt how deep i love you...
maybe you never trust me from the start...
it just all because of me that made you leave...
i'm not good enough for you...
i always lose to you, always let you win...
and in the end, i not only lose to you, but also lost you...

promise me...
be happy, be healthy...
find someone that can give you the happiness that i can't give...
and thank you for become the oxygen in my life for these years...