inspired dreams...

it may sound strange...

but it seems like everytime God speaks to me through dreams...

recently  God let me know one of the things i never really realise...

maybe i'm too dumb or something...

but God did it again...

through the dreams...

i found out that i never really understand the things i said i like to do...

programming...

comics...

anime...

games...

maths...

coffee...

language...

and many more....

i said that i like those stuff...

and i really do...

i may have some of the knowledge about them...

but i never really put in some effort to understand them more...

or to really master them...

and this had cause me to failed in many areas....

including studies...

well... 

hope it not too late for me to start changing...

really hope i can improve my ways of doing things...

especially for my future...

changes

after all these years...
i never know how much i had change...
until recently...

there are things i thought i will hold and grief for a long time...
and yet, it doesn't...
although it the same incident happened to me years ago...
but the time i took to walk out the grief are so much different...

am i really blind by my ignorance???
did i really change into someone cruel which i never know...
or am i still the boy who i used to be...

the virus

yup...

definitely the virus is still with me...

will be hard if I can't get them off me...

and I can't find any vaccine for it yet...

it will be a long battle...

but i'm sure i will become stronger through battling it...

Rough day

what a day...
both of my leg's muscle are injured...
and i don't even know how i injured them....
and tomorrow i still have to walk for the whole day...
hope that one night rest are enough for my legs to recover...
don't want to walk like a penguin in university...

my phone...
my one and only smartphone left...
It had officially gone MAD...
it keeps on restarting for i don't know what purpose...
it keeps on "fainting" right after it open it eyes for 5 seconds...
if i can't fix it tonight, i'll had to try reformat it as my last resort..
i still don't want to change a new phone...
my targeted new phone will only release during 2nd quarter of 2015...
it still too early to change phone...
sob...

it really had "made" my day perfect then ever....

don't feel so well...
especially when i saw him...
just wake up and his inside the house...
it really stir up my emotion....
i already calm down and accept the facts...
and yet, the view had gain it's victory by making me feels worst then ever...
need more distraction to feel better...
but what distraction i have??  nothing....

Thanks Girl...

thanks to a very special friend...

i'm not sure it directly or indirectly,she had gave me a big push...
but i think because of her, i'm able to made up my mind faster then i thought i would...

she reminds me of my past, reminds me of things i had done and overcome...

not sure how long this will last, but the battle had began many days ago...
and i hope i can keep it going until the judgement day of my life...

well, still, i think i had interrupt her daily and made her unhappy...
and i think she's unhappy with it although she helping me without saying it all out to me...
so, with whatever i had gain, i will carry on and will not disturb her anymore...
cause she is one of the few female best friend i got throughout my life...
would not want that relationship change worse, haha.... 

new impact

hard to sleep recently...
looks like the impact provided by breaking up is actually hitting me hard...
it just like reaping a whole pile of meat out of me, especially heart...
whenever i lie down, my body turns into heat, my chest is so cramp and it feels like it on fire...
then, i'll started to drift into the thoughts of stuff which happens before, after, and which i may be able to do...
it slowly driving me crazy....
so, i start to change my sleeps into doing stuff...
watching dramas, anime at first, but they help my enemy...
help them to eat me up alive inside of me...
so, i start to spend times on learning new stuff, new knowledge...
keep doing things, walking, until i used up every single bit of my strength and collapse immediately right when i lie down...

my old routine as a university student is still moving on as planed...
do what i must, study what i must....
and so, i can officially announce that i had just become batman...
one life on the day, night spend another...

not sure how long this will be, but i believe not long....
i had been there once, and this time, i should be able to do it better...
and maybe even try something i wasn't brave enough to do it last time...

well, i know it all personal, but...
i had to find a way to let it all out...
and so, here it is...
i'm back in writing my feelings...
why don"t choose writing it on paper as diaries? my writing speed to slow to keep up on my thoughts...
and why i post it in web? cause it really feels like i talked it to someone, and they always listen and gave zero suggestions...