meaningless

well... yesterday just went to UKM... why? because there is a gathering for chinese society... 2 hours journey... from 4 pm we start our journey... reach bac to hostel is almost 1am... well, i met an old old friend of mine, MR LIM ENG KOK, wakakaka... if min jie is there then better, we 3 ppl meet again, haha... then last night whole night play left4dead2, devil may cry4, need for speed shift... 7am only go sleep, 11am wake up then go for meeting...

in the meeting, i become one of the helper in prom night, and one of the actor for moon cake festival... why? because there is a senior say i got a dramatic face =.=lll

nothing more to write, sry... because these few days really got nothing special to post... by the way, when reach back to my room after went to ukm, i was injured... hit by the celling fan in my friends room(ps: the fan is in maximum speed)...


now, the thing i mostly need is wave's sound....hope i can go to the beach right now... listen to the sea, the waves...

no more...

wounded...bleeding...
my brain no longer works...
can't think of anything...
can't concerntrate on anything...
no longer enjoying my life...
i had change, change into someone else...
i been wearing a mask these days...
a mask showing a smile...
a mask that hides my emotion...
a mask that hide the whole me in it...

i should try to get over with this...
friend told me to forget her and find a new one...
that is impoosible...
because to me, she is too perfect...
leraid is forcing me to hide deep inside my wound and seal myself up...
but the feeling i have to her is too huge...
it unable to seal up...
therefore, leraid is hidden my love in different places that i don't know...
with the help of making songs...
transfer them into the lyrics...
transfer them and forget them...
transfer them into melody...
and transfer them into the atmosphere...

after i call her, i hurt even more...
because i get to knowing something that really hurt me...
and it had given leraid more power, more determine on burry me away...
her voice, the way she speak...
every pitch of her sound shows that she is so happy...
a voice that had long burried in my memories...
i haven been able to hear that voice ever since i start dating with her...
now only i realise how suffer she is when she was my girlfriend...
i never really bring her joy...
except the decision i let her go as she wish...
and that facts had done a critical damage on me...
and i died once more after friday and saturday night...

i still love her...
even now after she tear up my heart...
and left me with nothing within my chest...
and i now living with no heart, no colour and no joy...
because she was and is the source for my heavy heart beat, the rainbow in my life, and the only reason that makes me the luckiest guy on earth...
but unfortunately,she felt that i'm not the one who is able to give her a life long happiness...
she thinks i'm not her true love...
she thinks i'm just someone she like...
she thinks we can only be friends even in the future...

then only thing i can do now is change...
change the love i have into like...
although i only heard before that change like into love...
but i'll try to change love into like...
i'll do what i can...
because that is the last thing i can do for you...
change it...
erase it...
kill it...
end it...

there are question i didn't ask her...
i don't know how to ask...
why she didn't trust herself?
why she needs to doubt?
why can't...
why not...
why leave...

maybe i'm too soft...
maybe i'm too weak...
maybe i didn't let you felt how deep i love you...
maybe you never trust me from the start...
it just all because of me that made you leave...
i'm not good enough for you...
i always lose to you, always let you win...
and in the end, i not only lose to you, but also lost you...

promise me...
be happy, be healthy...
find someone that can give you the happiness that i can't give...
and thank you for become the oxygen in my life for these years...