coward...

when comes to relationship...
when comes to things about love...
trust me, i know a lot...
i seen many friends, close to me...
started a relationship, and ended a relationship...
stared in different ways, different ages, and with the same confident that he/she is the one...
but still, the relationship ended in many different ways with a common name called "break up"...
only a few friend of mine show us that true love is always around us...
we should not give up on loving someone...
i can explain,elaborate, helps you to see things more clearer in different method, examples...
when you are sad after broke up...
i can company you, hear you out, help you to walk out of the sadness...
but myself, i used up more than one year, and yet, i'm not sure i'm fully out of it or not...
but i never able to apply any to myself...
i can help my friend see/feel how they really feels toward another...
but i, myself is the one who always don't know what is LOVE...
what it is feels like when you really falls in love...

i'm always envy those great people who are so brave and so confident when comes to love...
envy that they are brave enough to confess...
i had made 2 people cry so far while they say they love me...
i'm such a bad person...
but this is the best way i know so that the tragedy i saw before will never happen to me...
i rejected them...
i don't want them to waste their time on someone who doesn't really know his heart...
i feel so guilty...
i'll always remember the changes in their voice...
i don't want the so call try out, because it will only hurt them more...

why can people be so sure on who they love,and not like...
why am i so dull when i'm involve in love stuff???
i had been feeling things to a few certain people...
and yet, i don't know which is which...
i'm too scared to judge it as a prove of falling in love...
i'm just another coward that only knows how to hurt others...
a coward who also desperate on seeking someone to love with my whole heart...
will someone come and teach me???
lead me like how i did before to others so that they know how the really feels???
or i am still in the labyrinth that had been trap me for years???


help me...

thank you...

Oh father God, i thank you...
Thank you that you had once again show me how great is your love...
You had redirect my life once again in a way that i never expected to happen...
And yet, is the same thing God had did for me many time in the past...
my faith in God had grown even more after this incident, and it reminds me to trust you even more...
Father God, i will listen and obey, for this is what you had wanted me to do...
Thanks for the reminding, thanks for the forgiving, and thanks for everything you had done for me...
give me the confident and strength in order to continue follow the life which is accordingly to your plan for me...
Amen...