emo, why WW had to ask me stuff and force me to accidentally dig them all up...

an old friend told me it time to let go...
i ask her, "let go? why? i already let go long ago"....
but when she ask me "are you sure?"...
i really don't know what to answer her...
part of me choose to lie. but part of me confess how confuse i am...
why?
because i always have bad memories...
but i can still remember...
how you looks years ago...
how you tilt your head...
the way you smile...
the way you talk...

i can even remember...
places we been to...
promises we made...
how i react in front of you...
how i become an idiot when i'm in front of you....
and every word you said...
every word, even it may mean nothing to you...
there are words melts me like ice on fire...
there are also words that stabs me and bleeds me even till now...

i once let it all go, seal them in a metal box...
hope after time pass away, the content will fade and rotten away...
most of my memories fade and forgotten that way...
but not this one...

i can still remember the first time we met and talked while you only remember the second....
i can still remember the first time you wore my coat, that is still the cutest scene i ever seen...
i can still remember how you ask me to walk in sewage so that my height is lower than your...
i can still remember the first time you borrow things from me, and it the first time i'm so grateful that i have that with me...
the first time you in trouble about love, you seek my help...
i gave you the best advice i know of, even when those advice hurts me so much...
the first time i see you in karaoke room, the way you "sit" and sing are so unique...
even after i harden my heart as steel, and throw away an old picture of you...
i can still remember every detail of that picture, your hair style, your smile, your look without spec...

even now, my reaction in front of you almost the same as i used to be...
its feels so weird right now while writing all these down...
i know really it time to let go...
i always thought i had let it go...
and i know she had let go long ago as it should be...
but the fact is...
i haven't....
i really can't stop care for her...
maybe i really have to keep myself a distance, stay far away...
so that i can really learn to let go for real, and no longer cause any unnecessary trouble for her...
i'm sure she knows...
i'm sure she is troubling and try her best to react normally in front of me so that we can still be friends...
if only i have more confident....
if only i'm not a coward...
if only that i'm good enough...