old "sickness"

it came back to me last night...
why???
that sickness is the nightmare i always dream of...
it not a simple nightmare...
it THE nightmare(not about what i dream, is what i feel)...
it repeated...
continuing...
non-stop haunting me if it started...
last night been dreaming that nightmare for 5 times...
somemore it continuing, like making fun of me...
used to get rid of it by prayers...
and tis time a bit harder...
i had to pray hard and clear than only i can sleep nicely...
i used to dream it everynight, everytime i close my eyes...
continuing for days and weeks...
it had been stop by church worker's prayer for almost 2 years...
and this time the 'dream' is worst than i used to had...
pray that i'll get rid of it again....
or not, i wont be able to sleep again...

it's near again...

it coming near again to new year...
and i don't know why...
a hidden memory comes back to me...
the memory i had "long ago" during new year...
so sweet...
so happy...
and yet, so fast it ended and dissapeared...
and now, it went back to me...
although it short, but it still my happiest moment...
if i have a restart in my life, i won't regret doing it again...
and i hope do able to create more memories before it end...
so that i can have something more to feel happy again...
well...
yup, it not about new year at all...
i'm just babling something in my heart and mind....
i will always remember those memories and never forget...
so that i can always feel those happy feelings again...

p.s.:i know it not making sence to readers, i apologize, sorry, it just something i gotta write out for myself... thanks for the understanding ^^

step into a whole new world...

it scary...
should be something that scary...
but don't know why...
i was calm when all those happens...

this morning...
when the time i woke up...
the world in my eyes had became black and white...
and slowly...
i see yellow...
then, orange, blue...
green and pink is the last colour that comes back to me...
am i gona become colour blind???
or i'm gona be blind???

but during all those happens...
it was beautiful...
when the colour slowly comes back...
i sudently realise how wonderfull the world IS whith all those colours...
if i really gona be clolour blind or total blind...
i hope to at least get to see a few more places...
places that God creates...
see the world...
see the nature, the view that after God create, God say "it is good"...
i hope to be able to do that...