the day after MSD finish...

MSD=Mid Sem Break...

test....
lots of test....
5 test in 4 days...
how can i manage to complete my studies for all???
oh God, please help me on this...
help me on managing my life in a better way...

this morning...
one test had been announced delayed on the very last second in the classroom...
i can only say, sir, you are damn good~~~
well...
one postpone, 4 more to go...
hope that i can cope it...
and survive it...

already 32nd day since i in relationship...
yup, one month had just passed...
but don't know why...
it feels like we had been together for a very long time...
seems like we had known each other for years although is just 2 months...
we had step into the stage where we had already fully trust each other...
a stage where we had no more secret....
we are fully in loved....

now... i think i know...

yup...
refer to previous post...
i had found love...
again...
although the feelings i have is kinda different from my memories...
but it is love that i felt...

people may think is a wrong decision...
people may think that i haven't know her well...
people may think we does not suit each other...

but i know...
or should i say, we know that we could overcome the obstacles in front of us...
i trust the love she say she felt for me...
and that is why i dare to trust her and love her with all my heart...

for me...
if the person i love felt the same as me...
i will for sure be with her until the end...
but if it the other way round...
i will only care for her and be her friend until the day she felt love for me...
and now...
a girl love me while i also fall in love with her...
that is why i will now treat her the best i can...
because it very hard to found someone who can love you so much as you does to her...
and thus...
here goes my second relationship in my life....
it just began...
and i hope that it will never end, just as what i believe it...

i never know...

what....

is love???

crazt attempt 2(corrections)

well, just like what i mentioned in the previous post...
i and James Teo went to aeon jusco by bicycles....
well, it not 4 to 5 km...
is a 10km journey...
which means i had cycling for 20km without realizing it...

and now, this afternoon....
together with James Teo...
we cycle to our university campus....
15km away from our housing area...
hmm....
and after that, we went several places....
which means we had been cycling around for 30km and above...
the actual calculation of the distance is now processing by James Teo...
will post it out as a record....
a record of exercise attempt by me after stop exercise for so many months...

right now, my leg are both exhausted...
my body is craving for my bed's warm hugsss....
 another cycling attempt may occur after this weeks of studying...
hehehehe....
looking forward for that...

crazy attempt...

just yesterday...
ya, yesterday...
I and James Teo cycling to AEON JUSCO from the place we now staying...
the distance???
around 4 to 5 km for one way journey...
and we did that around at around 1 pm...
super sunny...

and after that, we had a running man game with lots of hills climbing, running, and carrying...
quite exhausted...
photo will be posted here soon...
but not today, haha....

and we had plan on cycling to my beloved campus induk tomorrow morning...
and it more further than yesterday trip...
by bus or car, it took 15 to 20 minutes of driving...
wonder how long it would take for us to reach campus...
wakakaka...
kinda gone crazy, but we enjoy it...
so pray God for tomorow's weather...
hope that we will having a safe journey tomorrow...

report ended!!!

wahahahahaha....
finally...
180++ pages...
i had finally done it, print it, and bring it to the lecturer...
at last, i can foreseen my lovely bed waiting for me....
for that i had leave my bed for more than 24 hours...
my poor bed, must had already miss me a lot...

this is the report that makes me miss my bed reunion...

180 pages above...

hope that my lecturer will like my report's companion...

report rushing...problem maker...

currently is in the battle with time itself...
reason???
i start my report on the day before we need to submit it...
ok, it not like i really didn't done anything...
what i did is do one module(one small part of the report)...
help my friend to check their content and grammar mistake (who promise to share project progress with me)...
and in the end...
the module i had done, end up to be wrong content...
while helping my friend to check their material, i forgot to help them add in the content i promise to add in...
and now, i feel so guilty...
i'm the cause that my friend haven't complete their report...
i'm the main reason that cause them not enough rest...
and i'm the culprit that make myself for getting a sleepless night...
sigh...
i didn't done my report, it ok...
what makes me feel bad is i make other people suffer...
don't know how to face them later on in the morning prayer meeting......
hope i'm able to complete in this few hours...
and i hope my friend can complete their report...
God, help and bless us....

God been very nice to me...
really...
reason???
he always show me the answer for the question i had been asking...
he always place the right person beside me at the right moment...
he always assign the people to talk to me when i needed to...
and God always listen to my questions...
always join the Me-discussion inside my mind....
and always, always love me so much that give me all kind of signal...
signal from my heart, from my surroundings, from my friends...
so that i can do the right thing, walk on the right path...
and i'm so glad that God sometimes willing to use me to guide others...
to help others in Christ...
hope that i can continue on the right track with God's guidance...
and faster found my long lost rib bone... ~.^V

:,)

well...
God, thanks for the answer....
and i know...
life goes on....
i'll continue as how i usually do...
live how i should be...
be the Jeffrey that YOU always know...
LovE OTHERS just like how i Love myself...
amen...

coward...

when comes to relationship...
when comes to things about love...
trust me, i know a lot...
i seen many friends, close to me...
started a relationship, and ended a relationship...
stared in different ways, different ages, and with the same confident that he/she is the one...
but still, the relationship ended in many different ways with a common name called "break up"...
only a few friend of mine show us that true love is always around us...
we should not give up on loving someone...
i can explain,elaborate, helps you to see things more clearer in different method, examples...
when you are sad after broke up...
i can company you, hear you out, help you to walk out of the sadness...
but myself, i used up more than one year, and yet, i'm not sure i'm fully out of it or not...
but i never able to apply any to myself...
i can help my friend see/feel how they really feels toward another...
but i, myself is the one who always don't know what is LOVE...
what it is feels like when you really falls in love...

i'm always envy those great people who are so brave and so confident when comes to love...
envy that they are brave enough to confess...
i had made 2 people cry so far while they say they love me...
i'm such a bad person...
but this is the best way i know so that the tragedy i saw before will never happen to me...
i rejected them...
i don't want them to waste their time on someone who doesn't really know his heart...
i feel so guilty...
i'll always remember the changes in their voice...
i don't want the so call try out, because it will only hurt them more...

why can people be so sure on who they love,and not like...
why am i so dull when i'm involve in love stuff???
i had been feeling things to a few certain people...
and yet, i don't know which is which...
i'm too scared to judge it as a prove of falling in love...
i'm just another coward that only knows how to hurt others...
a coward who also desperate on seeking someone to love with my whole heart...
will someone come and teach me???
lead me like how i did before to others so that they know how the really feels???
or i am still in the labyrinth that had been trap me for years???


help me...

thank you...

Oh father God, i thank you...
Thank you that you had once again show me how great is your love...
You had redirect my life once again in a way that i never expected to happen...
And yet, is the same thing God had did for me many time in the past...
my faith in God had grown even more after this incident, and it reminds me to trust you even more...
Father God, i will listen and obey, for this is what you had wanted me to do...
Thanks for the reminding, thanks for the forgiving, and thanks for everything you had done for me...
give me the confident and strength in order to continue follow the life which is accordingly to your plan for me...
Amen...

miscommunication and misunderstanding

again and again...
case : misunderstanding...
between me and my father...
reason unknown...
since i was form 2/3...

sigh...
i really hope i can have a lots of happy chatting with my dad...
but still, i'm super afraid to talk to him...
because every time when i talk about A...
what he heard is Z...

maybe because...
our frequency different???
we didn't do much talking since i was younger till now???
or it because of our family habits(think too much with a very fast processing speed and huge range)...
well...
i love my dad a lot...
just like how much i love my mom...
and that's why i still try my best to talk as much as i can with my dad...
but mostly end up being scold by him...
sigh...

and maybe because of another habits...
our family member did not communicate much with each others...
even though we are in the same house everyday...
i doubt that did we even had a normal conversation more than 15-20 lines???
of course scolding is not a normal conversation, and mostly scolding can last for hours(lost count)...
but still, i really hope that out family can always have our time together talking happily ^^

God, please teach me how to talk to my dad in a way that no misunderstanding occur....

freak

i'm a freak???maybe...
reason???
i'm too tall...
i'm sorta have multiple personality...
i can be very stupid...
i can be very childish...
i can be very mature...
i can be very gentle...
i can talk a lot of nonsense...
i can talk a lot of logical stuff...
i can talk in different tones when speak with different people...
i had seen a lot of stuff happening...
i experience many things and situation...
and therefore, every time when i start talking...
there are people feel that i'm normal...
noisy...
talkative...
bluffing...
lying...
self enjoying...
being proud...
making up stories...
and in the end, i'm a freak that fakes myself every where...

well, there's nothing i can do...
really...
cause that's the way i am...
you may feel that i'm bluffing while i'm not...
you may feel that i'm acting but i'm not...
you may feel that i'm stupid while i'm trying to make you laugh...
you may feel that i'm proud by saying what i had seen while i just want to share and talk to you...
you may think i a fake person while i'm actually standing just in front of you...
you may think i don't care how other people think...
but i do care....
and it hurts all the time...

i do try change....
but in the end....
when ever the time i change....
i feel myself fake cause i'm really is faking myself to be someone i'm not...
so...
i rather to be a freak...
i don't want to become someone else in your memories...
i just want to be me...

old "sickness"

it came back to me last night...
why???
that sickness is the nightmare i always dream of...
it not a simple nightmare...
it THE nightmare(not about what i dream, is what i feel)...
it repeated...
continuing...
non-stop haunting me if it started...
last night been dreaming that nightmare for 5 times...
somemore it continuing, like making fun of me...
used to get rid of it by prayers...
and tis time a bit harder...
i had to pray hard and clear than only i can sleep nicely...
i used to dream it everynight, everytime i close my eyes...
continuing for days and weeks...
it had been stop by church worker's prayer for almost 2 years...
and this time the 'dream' is worst than i used to had...
pray that i'll get rid of it again....
or not, i wont be able to sleep again...

it's near again...

it coming near again to new year...
and i don't know why...
a hidden memory comes back to me...
the memory i had "long ago" during new year...
so sweet...
so happy...
and yet, so fast it ended and dissapeared...
and now, it went back to me...
although it short, but it still my happiest moment...
if i have a restart in my life, i won't regret doing it again...
and i hope do able to create more memories before it end...
so that i can have something more to feel happy again...
well...
yup, it not about new year at all...
i'm just babling something in my heart and mind....
i will always remember those memories and never forget...
so that i can always feel those happy feelings again...

p.s.:i know it not making sence to readers, i apologize, sorry, it just something i gotta write out for myself... thanks for the understanding ^^

step into a whole new world...

it scary...
should be something that scary...
but don't know why...
i was calm when all those happens...

this morning...
when the time i woke up...
the world in my eyes had became black and white...
and slowly...
i see yellow...
then, orange, blue...
green and pink is the last colour that comes back to me...
am i gona become colour blind???
or i'm gona be blind???

but during all those happens...
it was beautiful...
when the colour slowly comes back...
i sudently realise how wonderfull the world IS whith all those colours...
if i really gona be clolour blind or total blind...
i hope to at least get to see a few more places...
places that God creates...
see the world...
see the nature, the view that after God create, God say "it is good"...
i hope to be able to do that...