doubt(2)

doubt is everywhere...
why?
because we had always been doubting:
1)strangers
2)friends
3)best friends
4)family
5)your loves one
and lastly...6)ourself

why would we doubt other people even ourself??
well, that is one of the behaviour that make us human...

where is doubt come from??
from my opinion, is because of our extraordinary imagination...
as a human, we alway think too much, over consider, and over caution...
caution is a must in daily life, but too much means u can't do anything...
consider well before u act is also a must, but if over consider, the oportunities will be lost...
as for over thinking, it always the problem for us to doubt people, because for a person with colourful imagination, he can link everything to death, or link everything to desaster, but he can only link a few things in his/her life into a happy ending...
why?
it because, people who always over thinking will always remember all the bad things they been through, or they had witness...
and because all those things always gives them a huge impression, therefore everytime when they start thinking, they will always being lead towards negative thought unintentionally....
so, when they wana do something even just walk out of the door, death as an ending is still one of the conclusions they get to conclude in their minds...

well, if readers have any question after reading this post, don't panic , it is a normal phenomena...
why?
because i also not sure what i had been typing this few minutes... haha...

i am a person that always overthinking, but seldom doubt people...
people can cheat me very easily, even strangers, because i am the type of person that trust people easily...
thats why i'm so glad and happy because i'm so lucky to have a bunch of friends that only joking with me, play with me, and honest with me...
what i did wrong, what i had to change, they told me directly, not from 3rd parties...
they are great, wonderful...
they never cheat on me...

if you ask me, in my opinion, when will there be no dount in this world, i'll say it will only happens when people went back to stone ages...
it will happen when human don't know what is lie, cheat, and benefit...

last sentence of this post,
if you still gona lie or cheat people, you gona non-stop doubting people...

:(

i'll continue to trust her... no matter how... she's struggling, battle with the shadow in her heart... although she didn't tell me... but i'll still wait the day that she won the battle... i'll wait...

been online these few days... keep online, and online... watching movie, reading comics, playing facebook... suddently feel that i'm so lucky to get to study again, because i can have something for me to do again... a important task, new task a brand new chapter in my life... if i did it well, my future will be much more easier to survive...

i do miss her... but i don't dare to sms her... why? i'm not sure... she's been busy on her asignment, she can barely have the time to rest... i don't want to disturb her, i want her to concerntrate... but in the other hand, i scare negative effect may occur... sigh...

doubt is everywhere... i hope that there's no doubt between us...

...

i'm an idiot...why? don't ask, because i don't like tellin people how idiot i am...

another judgement day in my life is drawing closer and closer...who would thought that it would be so slow and yet seems so fast.... which local university would i get? utm? ums? utem? or none? hope to know it soon....i mean very soon...

hope to try many things before i go to university... but some of the thing, i'll just remain the same, because i had promise...

change is what i had to do... a little change on the communication methode... no more saying A but people heard Z...

...

人生就像迷宫一样，在绝路中寻找希望，在不同的选择中选出对的道路，不管你再怎么讨厌这个迷宫，再怎么委屈，痛苦，你都得走完它，因为把你的人生走完是你的责任，无法逃脱....不过在这个迷宫里你不是孤独的，有很多人在你身边陪着你，关心你...这些人就是你的家人，情人和朋友，别把它们存在的意义给抹煞掉...

suddenly apear in my mind so i post it here and in facebook... it's not something special, just made it up after some conversation with my friends... it about snail maze..haha... don't ask about it, trust me, you don't wan to know about it,haha....

for now, i'm trying to write with full spellings, trying... because i get some complain about my posting style... haha... my grammar not that good, spelling also(due to daily sms, those word's correct spelling had been replace by shortcut writing...) well, i'm going to try that anyway, just start it earlier then what i had plan. hope i can do it well ^^

...

hmm... my first day after my last day of job... i sleep like a pig, wakakaka.... well, i sleep till aroung afternoon i think... cios when i wake up my dad aask me to eat lunch edi... then after lunch, i go bac up stairs and then play psp for a few minits and then i fall asleep... n i just woke up... lol... by the way, tis post will be vv long...hav a nice reading ya... cos nonsence a lot...

monday(7th of june)
working... working... then reach hm...do wat forgot...

tuesday(8th of june)
took leave, so not working... sleep at 5 am( i'm sry), then 6 am woke up, sms smy honey see shes awake anot, (cos if not i'll call her) thensleep bac till 12? erm... nop i sleep till 3pm... then saw msg that outing cancel.. so i online, eat and bath.... then blur, cant think edi...

wedsday(9th of june)
work... erm, not really count working lah, cos keep doing my clearence... then used up my last annual leave... so, i 12 pm go bac from company and end my last day of work.... and then when i reach cs, i walk walk for a while.... and buy something to eat... and then, on the bridge that attach to cs, theres a bunch of ppl giving ppl lucky lottery scrach... one of them stop me and ask me to open one(something like tikam) he say just may be is some voucher, according to the color dot, if get thank you then he is sry, ntg harm... so i open and i got grey( 1st prize), he's face turn blank and then say is this the first tim i encounter their company ppl (which mean first tim open tis tikam?) so i say ya, then he keep say all jusco hav their ppl de wor, did i really nvr encounter? so i ask which jusco, he answer all jusco in jb area hav... somemor since 1st of june... then he take out piece of paper with picture attach... show me all the price i may get with that grey dot, smallest laptop, biggest meccedis car(dunno the spelling)...and hav ppl taking picture with their prize... he will say if get car i had to go jpj pay for the lotax and the number plate money only, the car already fully paid... if dun wan can take cash also... and at the same time, got a girl com and congratz me... then say can treat them kfc anot? just two of them since i get first prize...blar blar blar... then ask me to follow them right away, and say he must go with me to PERMAS JAYA JUSCO to scan the grey dot for the prize, and he must follow so that if i get car he will get bonus.... and then i get away... i call my dad (he 100% ask me to go bac hom, dun wan me to go) and make up a show that my dad insist me to go bac first and then he go with me... then he ask me not to call, say fathers day comming, dun tell them, give him a surprise.... but i still call, and then go hm... he left half of the tikem paper to me(hav grey dot that part) and say when i go i must com bac to fetch him, he wan the bonus from the car(lol, from bukit indah go cs to fetch him then bring him to permas jusco for something not real??) yup, it tipu de, sure not real... cos my house located just beside jusco indah leh... lol... no ppl giving out those paper like them... and somemor i got went to taman u de jusco a few days ago, also none... they wan ceat also cheat the correct ppl lah.... and this is the "wat if" that we should nvr believe in, how can u get something so nice without pay anything?? lol... when reach hm, just as i thought, my dad done a lot of searching on tat tikam thing edi...and, i saw alot of ppl post on sinchew or cinapress wat happen to them, all the procedure even the grey dots are all the same... and all is say go to PERMAS JAYA to scan for their price.... kl also hav this kind of thing happening... also go to one specific place, i forgot the place, but my fen and gf in kl, please be carefull... dun fall for it... then ntg special happen... sms with honey, sms with erik(although he no reply), sms with cz, no go clubbing, then online for a while then psp for a while, then sleep...

ITS back!!!

well... after another night of thinking(6th of june)... my smile came back... although is not fully bac... but i did smile today... n no more moody... yesterday i so bad... whole day same expression, my parent thought i mad at them...sigh...
well, although no more moody... but still, not that active as i used to be....today diam diam one, and when i alone doing work, i start to mix word and music togather(creating songs)... but sad, i dunno any instrument, so i will nvr complete any song...

the main reason my smile bac is becos i had figured it out completely edi... wat i really ned to wait is not 4 years... is satu ayat from her... only when her heart trully confirm it, then only she MAY say it out... why may? cos she dunno wat is this ayat i'm waiting to hear...is not something sad or negative... is something that means alot... only after i heard that sentence, the real joy i will have, becos wat i believe will be real ^^ but still, maybe i ned to wait for months, or maybe years... but i dun care, i will wait n wait...



my dad ask why i wana lock myself to a girl so fast, my reply:" cos to me,she is the one..." "wat about her?" "i had to believe..."

不见了...

在那里？从没试过这个样子...
第一次发现到原来要笑是这么的困难的...
我今天到现在还没笑到一次...就连微微的弯起嘴角的微笑都做不到...

以前就算再多的心事，我都可以带着微笑度过每一天，因为不想让身边的人为我担心...

笑容到底去了哪里？我找不着...
原来我也会这样没有笑容的度过一整天...
原来当我知道我带给她的只是烦恼会让我失去笑容...
原来她真的就跟我想的一样是那么的重要...

when she say she dun trust herself, my heart hurts...
when she remmove her name, i felt sad...
when she say she dun trust love, my heart nearly stop...
when i realise i bring her troubles...i lost my smile...

i know where my smile had gone to...
becos my smile will always be there...be with another smile that i love...

shit

whole night no sleep... sigh... cant get to sleep... my brain too lousy... no choice... hope ltr after church i get to fall asleep and stop thinking... or not ltr nite ned to sleep vv vv early... i too easy be effected le lah... or i too care those word edi?

stupid me

can't sleep... y?? becos i did something wrong... over worry is really something wrong... looks like i really had to change... i know that long ago that she is independent, and how mature she really is... but all thanks to my stupid brain... sigh... got to seal that part of the brain to stop having those thoughts running... sry for being so naive, sry that i been behaving in this kind of ways... no more questioning from me anymore... even if silent all the way, i wont gona ask anything extra just for a longer conversation... even if i cant hold bac and wana ask, it wont be more then 3 question... i'm really sry...

clueless?? dun think so...

well... been trying to ask anyone of my fren to go out with me... why?? i tired of sitting in my room n wait for the time to rot my body and spirit... been feeling empty... something really had gone missing... well, at least today get to ask fynn out with her siblings... walk around following them... having a few conversation... then take them hm... well, not bad actually... but something seems wrong... wat went wrong i dunno...
tis few days, i been feeling something not right... bad omen... i'm dying?? hmm... well... dun care... if it true tat i'm dying... then the first thing i gona do is do everyhing she hate so that she gona hate me until even when she heard jeff she gona close her ear n stop listen... so that news wont spread to her... if not i'm gona die, then nvm... wakakaka... think too much edi...
well... i plan something a head, but i haven tell my parent... will they aprove??
headache getting better edi, good sign, n becos of this week unknown sickness, my balloon becom smaller edi...
the reason for headache, i think i got some clue edi... first, is becos my family... my parents querrel gave me too much sress... 2nd is the uni confirmation, the day is getting nearer n nearer, so more stress... 3rd, my relative all so native n clueless that their so call help for my parent is actually sugar to active children, make it worst only...4th, my relative all keep asking my dad about my uni confirmation, n it indirectly cause me a lot of questioning from my dad, n is also indirectly cause me stress... STRESS is the cause of my headache, end of story.
advise for reader's pls, beware of stress...


if u felt that my post is vv messy, my apologize, cos i just simply type every incident n thought directly into the post whenever they pop out of my mind when i type, so...i'm sry.

cause of my headache...

my parents querrel again... i had lost count it occur how many times during tis few weeks... my dad start to take loan from bank but still forbidden my mum to go work... lol... they both stubborn... always the same subject, same line, same argument, same reaction, the querrel just like repeated everyday... woke up in the morning, the first thing i hesard is their querrel... be4 sleep, last thing i heard also is their querrel... damn, i couldn't do anything... i tried many times... and due to the same reason (my freaquency n my dad freaquency are always different) my dad always misunderstand wat i said n then end up messy... sigh... my relative call my parent, intend to help, but they support everything my dad say without using their brain to think... they judge things without knowing the whole story... they support my dad because they know ntg about wat had happen n thought everything my dad say is correct... the problem is, my parent they both wrong... i felt tired edi, stress, i even wan to give up uni n go work for my whole life..why? cos my dad not working for years, my mum being ask to resign, no income for the family... i cannot create gold out of water, n water also ned money to buy... lol... i been thinking about this matter for weeks n in the ednd, i been sick for days... even now when i start to think of this my headache bac again...sigh... i'm a total failure, wat can i do...

sick week

monday(31th of may)
ate something wrong, make me stomachache, feel like vomit... and somemore heavy headache... therefore, i took mc n went hm... on the way i brought a novel name "the magician's apprentice(by trudi canavan)"... and then suffer at hm for the rest of the day, except sms time....

tuesday(1st of june)
when to work, but the vomit feeling become worst, headache also... the nurse dun let me c doctor, cos i gona stop working after next week(i resign) so cannot take mc... therefore i tahan for the rest of the day while working outside of the office(carrying, picking, folding...) and becos of this, i took pto( paid over time leave) for wednesday...

wedsday(2nd of june)
sleep till 10.40am... but i sleep on 4 am in the morning... my alarm rang at 6 but i didnt heard it, therefore, no morning call for honey... then i bath n then inform yi sin that i gona go n fetch her n then go terbau jusco watch movie n eat lunch+breakfast... so we reach jusco at around 1 something, then i saw gao gao, sss and storm... n i talk to a girl which after that i found out is my fren's sister, haha... then we straight go to buy movie ticket, at first wan buy prince of persia, but then saw shrek 3, n she wan to watch, so no choice, we go n see shrek 3... 3pm movie... so we go and eat my lunch(so hungry)... after that meal, i still not full yet, but not intend to eat anymore... then i saw cizi, juan hao, erik and andy... go say hi.. walk with them a while while yi sin alone in front of the cinema( she wan sms with frens)... then after short while i fast fast go bac to cinema there... and then we enter the cinema to watch movie... well, the movie quite nice.... and then after that terus go hm... and then i steam the rice and meat... and then call my sis, bro n dad to eat dinner...and then after bath, my headache come bac again... lol...

thursday(3rd of june)
tis time, no headache... but the vomit feeling super serious... ppl in company all thought i pregnant edi(lol, i'm a guy leh) i go for company clinik again(3.30pm),wat i get is medicine only, somemore no use tat type... no choice but to beasr for the whole day again... after 7 pm, i start to feel better... maybe becos i change my breathing method n the effect of medicine finally come out after 3 hours... and then 8pm off work, when reach jb terus go meet cizi,xian jun, gao gao, ceaser and erik... we yamcha froim 10pm till 1 am...haha... chat all sort of thing... got rubbish talk for laughting... make joke of each other... let fren know their bad habits so that they change...n discussing about the desaru trip...

friday, reach hm from lim teh, terus bath n update blog....