free time panic...

recently...
i had lost interest in many things...
been stopped playing computer games...
stopped my manga and comic obsession...
and therefore...
my free time suddenly doubled, or even tripled...
since i never really developed my hobbies...
my new extra free time started to make me panic...
been trying to used up all into my study section...
but the side effects, i have super urged to go out shopping or travel...
try to use it into outing alone or with buddies...
but side effects, my wallet shrink fast...
try to spend in my room...
loneliness attacked me with 9.0 earthquake and hyper giant tsunami waves...
i'm buried so deep, i can't even breath normally...
ah...
God, show me some hobbies to balanced out those side effects...
especially hobbies that can helped me on improving my concentrating skills...
let me study with no distraction...
let my mind focus on things i should have...
let me be able to forget the negative thoughts i normally will have...
let me become HIM...

my day...

after the confirmation of my shoes's lifespan draws near...

i become desperate on seeking for a new one...

a big and grand mission for me...

why???

it is because of my feet...

they are long and broad...

it is hard to find any suitable sport shoes for them, especially in Malaysia...

but miracle always happens through God...

been looking for the shoes and end up nothing...

i did a prayer during lunch time, and then...

i found a perfect fit sport shoes IMMEDIATELY!!!
love the way God does his miracles...

and then, follow up by purchase a backpack to replace my almost torn single sling backpack...

for me, it can be summaries as a wonderful day...

what left in my purchase list is a hat...

since my black colour hat been damage for weeks...

i still can't find any suitable hat to replace it...

hope that i can find it soon...

during the day, met a few friends and stop to have a small chat...

then only realise the truth that i had been stay away from social life for a long time...

sigh...

had to reconnect to the world...

it not easy though, but i had to take the steps no matter what...

future is still shaping...

and the shaper is me...

dream=movie

today i had the coolest dream ever...
it just like a super mega crime fighting + science friction movie...
and guess what, my favorite part of the dream is when i cried...
maybe i miss crying alot, especially when sad things happen recently and i'm unable to cry...
so, in the dream, i really cried so hard that i felt wonderful after wakes up...

well, the story of the dreams are so real and fresh...
why real?? it got the element of my recent incident(break up)...
why fresh?? the story plot is so epic!!! (for me that is)...
not sure i'm going to write down the whole story here....
cos the science friction part is actually a 2nd episode of my previous scince friction story...
so...
if i'm gonna write it down, it will like writing a full novel...
and i'm not confident with my writing skills...
so, if really want to hear about the story, you will have to bear with my "broken english"...

dreams are the best 2nd life or movie theatre~~
don't you agree???

inspired dreams...

it may sound strange...

but it seems like everytime God speaks to me through dreams...

recently  God let me know one of the things i never really realise...

maybe i'm too dumb or something...

but God did it again...

through the dreams...

i found out that i never really understand the things i said i like to do...

programming...

comics...

anime...

games...

maths...

coffee...

language...

and many more....

i said that i like those stuff...

and i really do...

i may have some of the knowledge about them...

but i never really put in some effort to understand them more...

or to really master them...

and this had cause me to failed in many areas....

including studies...

well... 

hope it not too late for me to start changing...

really hope i can improve my ways of doing things...

especially for my future...

changes

after all these years...
i never know how much i had change...
until recently...

there are things i thought i will hold and grief for a long time...
and yet, it doesn't...
although it the same incident happened to me years ago...
but the time i took to walk out the grief are so much different...

am i really blind by my ignorance???
did i really change into someone cruel which i never know...
or am i still the boy who i used to be...

the virus

yup...

definitely the virus is still with me...

will be hard if I can't get them off me...

and I can't find any vaccine for it yet...

it will be a long battle...

but i'm sure i will become stronger through battling it...

Rough day

what a day...
both of my leg's muscle are injured...
and i don't even know how i injured them....
and tomorrow i still have to walk for the whole day...
hope that one night rest are enough for my legs to recover...
don't want to walk like a penguin in university...

my phone...
my one and only smartphone left...
It had officially gone MAD...
it keeps on restarting for i don't know what purpose...
it keeps on "fainting" right after it open it eyes for 5 seconds...
if i can't fix it tonight, i'll had to try reformat it as my last resort..
i still don't want to change a new phone...
my targeted new phone will only release during 2nd quarter of 2015...
it still too early to change phone...
sob...

it really had "made" my day perfect then ever....

don't feel so well...
especially when i saw him...
just wake up and his inside the house...
it really stir up my emotion....
i already calm down and accept the facts...
and yet, the view had gain it's victory by making me feels worst then ever...
need more distraction to feel better...
but what distraction i have??  nothing....

Thanks Girl...

thanks to a very special friend...

i'm not sure it directly or indirectly,she had gave me a big push...
but i think because of her, i'm able to made up my mind faster then i thought i would...

she reminds me of my past, reminds me of things i had done and overcome...

not sure how long this will last, but the battle had began many days ago...
and i hope i can keep it going until the judgement day of my life...

well, still, i think i had interrupt her daily and made her unhappy...
and i think she's unhappy with it although she helping me without saying it all out to me...
so, with whatever i had gain, i will carry on and will not disturb her anymore...
cause she is one of the few female best friend i got throughout my life...
would not want that relationship change worse, haha.... 

new impact

hard to sleep recently...
looks like the impact provided by breaking up is actually hitting me hard...
it just like reaping a whole pile of meat out of me, especially heart...
whenever i lie down, my body turns into heat, my chest is so cramp and it feels like it on fire...
then, i'll started to drift into the thoughts of stuff which happens before, after, and which i may be able to do...
it slowly driving me crazy....
so, i start to change my sleeps into doing stuff...
watching dramas, anime at first, but they help my enemy...
help them to eat me up alive inside of me...
so, i start to spend times on learning new stuff, new knowledge...
keep doing things, walking, until i used up every single bit of my strength and collapse immediately right when i lie down...

my old routine as a university student is still moving on as planed...
do what i must, study what i must....
and so, i can officially announce that i had just become batman...
one life on the day, night spend another...

not sure how long this will be, but i believe not long....
i had been there once, and this time, i should be able to do it better...
and maybe even try something i wasn't brave enough to do it last time...

well, i know it all personal, but...
i had to find a way to let it all out...
and so, here it is...
i'm back in writing my feelings...
why don"t choose writing it on paper as diaries? my writing speed to slow to keep up on my thoughts...
and why i post it in web? cause it really feels like i talked it to someone, and they always listen and gave zero suggestions...